HOME IMPROVEMENT MY WAY

With all due respect to Dr. Debi and her unique psychological approach to home improvement, here at RFD #3 we have our own team method: I am the chief project engineer and Jim is the worker. It works for us. After forty years, we’re not going to change now. For instance, if Jim procrastinates on helping with a job such as painting a room, before taking matters into my own hands, I will ask him once again. If I don’t receive a firm commitment, my next step is to select three of the worst looking leftover paint colors I can find. I mix them together when Jim’s not looking, and then grab a paintbrush. The last time I did this the color ended up somewhere between puce and chartreuse.

With paintbrush in hand and the putrid color sloshing in the paint bucket, I remove the cover, show it to my husband, and cheerily announce that since he’s procrastinated for so long, I have decided to paint the room myself. In a heartbeat I will find myself in a paint store beside an extremely attentive husband pouring over color choices together.

Likewise, when my husband/worker is excited about a home improvement project, you can bet that his project engineer will stand behind him all the way giving orders – I mean direction. But I must admit that even after all these years, sometimes we are simply not in synch when it comes to timing…which brings us to our den project.

The morning after Christmas the home improvement bug bit my husband unexpectedly. He announced cheerily that since it’s a “slow” business week between Christmas and New Year’s it would be the ideal time to drywall the den, which brought an immediate reaction from his engineer…I mean wife.

“You CAN’T drywall the den this week Jim! We’re having a dinner party on Saturday night!”

“It’ll be done in plenty of time.” “You’re not factoring in ‘complications’ Jim! We ALWAYS run into complications.” “I have it all figured out. There will be no complications this time,” Jim declared with resolve as he proceeded to tear down the wall decorations I had so meticulously arranged. My worker was already in the “zone.” That means he was beyond the point of my ability to stop him from ripping down walls. A half hour later we ran into our first “complication.”

“Jim, what are you planning to do with this ugly support column?” “Nothing’” he naively replied. As chief engineer of this construction team, I informed him that “nothing’” was not acceptable. So Jim pondered. Then he announced that he would build a “box” around it, which he did. But the box was too short, so he had to add a piece on the bottom while I gently reminded him of the “measure twice, cut once” rule. When he mounted the box, it was off-center. Jim noted that since a mirror covered up the column, it didn’t matter. I informed him that it mattered to me. So up went another piece of wood on the column, and after he plugged it with wood-filler and painted it, it was perfect.

Naturally, this “complication” put the project behind schedule, which was no surprise to me, but Jim was still in denial. He vowed that the walls would be done on schedule. The day before the dinner party the den was still ripped up. Jim finished it two hours before our guests arrived. Technically, we are still working on it. When Jim ripped some drywall paper, he had to repair the glitch, and ditto for a repair around the light switches. Then he needed to add new baseboards. After the work was completed, we realized the ceiling needed attention.

The other day I asked Jim when he planned to remount the coat hooks on the den wall. The prospect of drilling holes into his brand new walls made tears spring to his eyes.

I told him to forget it. All good chief engineers know to quit while we’re ahead.